354 days ago...

I was about to start nursing school.

I remember the exact feeling of excitement and nerves. As I sit here, on the blue couch looking out at my backyard at a lightening bug and studying for my very last nursing school final (that I can make a 25 on and still pass), I have a very odd feeling...

I remember the first few weeks of school and how incredibly shocking it was. The entire summer I spent in this backyard that I am staring at - studying until midnight. I would often look out at the green grass and the lightening bugs that were twinkling around and pray that the year would go fast.

I am a class officer and today a "duty" was to welcome the new 36 member FastBacc class during their orientation. I stood infront of the class, introduced myself and tried to give them some words of advice. I don't even know what I said but I think I mumbled, it's just a year you can do it. I do not envy them. I spoke to them about the past year but nothing can or will prepare them. I remember thinking last year, "hard?" puuuhlease...not knowing what is about to happen is the best thing for them.

In 354 days, I have become an RN. I don't even believe it myself and probably never will...It blows my mind, and almost literally did with the amount of knowledge I have crammed in, that I have done it. I spent many nights and moments over the past year crying uncontrollably and thinking about the amount of work I had and the pressure that was put on me.

I sit here, feeling a little ashamed about getting angry at God recently for not providing us with a baby......yet.

I sit here...feeling thankful.

Thankful for a God who loves me and has given me everything in my life that I have ever dreamed of. He has been by my side in everything I have ever done in my life. Every day I can feel Him near me. Every test (literally and physically) I could feel Him. I have prayed to Him and asked him for so many things in which he has given and so I feel silly for begging Him for a baby after he has provided me with such an amazing life already.

I am thankful for my husband who has gotten me through this year by supporting me in every way possible and encouraging me on the days I didn't think I could take one more second. Lane has been my rock and strength throughout this year (and since we met) and is my very best friend in the entire world. He has made me feel smart and beautiful even in my green (horrendous) scrubs. He has never gotten mad at me for neglecting him this year to study. He has watched movies with me when I had a few hours off, he has taken me to dinner to celebrate ending a semester, or when I found out I got a job. He has gone to get ice cream with me when I needed a break and he has taken care of me by working his butt off to provide for our family while I haven't been working. He encouraged my desire to be a nurse and allowed me to feel the love and support needed to do such a thing. I don't know why God has given me such an amazing partner but I am thankful.

I am thankful for my parents and in laws and family who continue to make me feel like the smartest person on earth and who have listened to me complain - I am truly blessed to have these outstanding individuals as my family. I don't know why God chose me to have such wonderful parents. I am honored to know them and be a part of them. I can't even talk about them without tearing up because they are my role models and the people who have made me who I am. They are amazing in every way you can be amazing.

I am thankful for my dear friends who have also provided encouragement this year. Just when I missed them the most, they would send me an e-mail, phone me, or text me. I have neglected them too this year and I love them so much. They are the sweetest girls anyone could know....kate, anne, sarah, cat, erin, jill, rachel...I can't wait to hang out this summer and have special girl moments again!

I am thankful for my classmates - the only other 25 people on this planet who know exactly what I went through. What an incredibly new "family" I have. I have made 2 new best friends over the last year Julie and Katie. I feel like I have known them my entire life and am blessed beyond belief that God put these 2 girls in my path this year.

I am thankful for putting all my eggs in one basket and getting a job that I set out for when I decided to go to nursing school to be a labor and delivery nurse.

I should be studying, but this is on my mind.

It blows my mind and makes me emotional to think how lucky I am that these are the people I get to go through this life knowing and loving.

If you could spend a day in my life, you would believe in God. I see/feel/hear Him everyday. I trust and have faith.

And like I ended a couple of posts ago...

Tonight, I am a nursing student. Tomorrow I will be a nurse. Weird.